It seems as if this title comes to me more than I either realize..or care to admit. I have a hard time fitting into my own skin. I did a post a while back about comparing ourselves to one another, that same thing keeps manifesting itself in different ways to me.
I am not sure about you all, but trying to figure out who you really are...being okay with who you have become sometimes stretches the soul. We all have a tendency to compare our personalities and lives to one another. Sometimes we literally line up who we are with someone else and start going down the list....finding that almost every time, you are not the same. This season is starting to shift for me, though. Instead of me comparing, I have found I try to explain who I am to other people. Almost like I feel the need to excuse myself from whatever I am doing. This, inevitably starts to drive me crazy. Anyone know how that feels?
God always draws me back to the same conclusion. His Word. Let me explain.
I left all that I knew, moved thousands of miles away from my childhood home and family. I moved from the suburbs to the rural parts of a back woods country. I was in the heart of the mainstream Christian church and now fellowship with ex Amish/Mennonites. I went from working full time to staying home with children and keeping the teeny little home we bought on 14 acres of craziness. Let me tell you something...this has been the largest learning season I have ever been in.....EVER. But even though I changed my zip code, changed every aspect of my life, I thought somehow, my life would be better. Well, it is....but it sure had to come at a cost. I have been stretched more here than I ever would have in Utah. I have come to the end of myself and realized how wrong and immature I have been. And in all this growing...and pain.... and hard lessons.... God has shown me that no matter how much of my life I change, the answers to my contentment are in His Word. No certain place to live or church or situation will truly ever fulfill what I need. The answers will....and have always been sitting there..on my coffee table.
When I focus on things that do not matter in the end, when I feel like I need to explain myself, I am not in a good place. We all need to be content with where God has placed us, and know that His will is perfect. We might mess things up, or tragedy could strike, it's not that all harm will be taken from you when you are a Christian. But trusting that no matter what you go through, His Word will be there to encourage, correct and exhort you until the very end.
So I will move forward in this pale-ish skin of mine. Hoping that I can see the bigger picture and hold on to what is truly worth holding on to; I will lean on The Lord for my strength and endurance to get past all the hurts and lessons, but most importantly, I will be thankful for the things He has gotten me through. I will recognize the changes, albeit small ones that have happened. I want my focus to be on eternal things, then temporal things....THEN chocolate.
PS- Sorry I have neglected you all...part of that growing I am hoping to do, you know ;)