Friday, February 22, 2013

My Big, Hideous....Mouth :)

I got a call from a friend of mine. She was returning my call about a book my son ruined of hers :) She was understanding and didn't want me to pay her. As I was thinking how nice the situation turned out, she brings up a matter she has against me. I was blindsided. I thought we were talking about books....?

The words just flew out of her. She was disappointed in me. She pointed out to me what she thought was sin in my life. I tried to keep my cool and apologized for disappointing her. That didn't seem to be enough. We spent the next hour on the phone in a contentious discussion about modesty, choices and a bunch of other trivial (at least to me) matters. I was livid. She was making a judgement about me that wasn't true. I tried to reason with her, but she was convinced I was wrong. After many words, she finally admitted I wasn't sinning and apologized. She still held firm to everything else she said that was mean. We hung up and 2 hours later she called me again to apologize. I was so hurt by what she said I told her so. She said it probably would have been better if she would've kept her mouth closed. I agreed. 

That night and the next day, still wounded by what she said, I called my core people. You know, the people that you talk to the most and pretty much know everything about your life? Those people. I remember the next morning while venting to my Mom about what happened, my husband called. He asked me what I was doing and I told him I was talking to my Mom. He warned me to not go tell everyone. He repeated this Bible verse to me.

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9

I had already told most everyone! Still angry by the fresh wounds, I finished telling my core people and went about my day. Wow, I feel so much better! It's good to get stuff off your chest. Then, as usual....the guilt set in. A couple days pass and I admit to my husband I pretty much told "the core". He repeated the Bible verse and challenged me....I knew he was right.

Let's get this straight....I had every right to be hurt by what my friend said. It was rude and untrue (at least in my eyes). It was assumed I was doing things wrong when I wasn't. She told me things I didn't need to know (like how her husband feels about me). Name it- most lines were crossed. I held my own with her and told her we could chalk most of it up to cultural differences (she's Mennonite and I am not). Did any of these reasons justify me telling everyone about our fight? No. Chris was right, I did exactly what Proverbs told me not to do. I probably caused tension with some of her friends because of my big mouth. 

I'm not saying you shouldn't be able to tell the ones you love about your life and not be encouraged by them when you get hurt. It's appropriate to tell someone about a matter at times. I just think we should choose our words wisely. Choose who we tell wisely. Some people shouldn't know because they are too close to the situation. Some might want to retaliate on your behalf. You might even get someone to dislike this person. Would I want some of my "episodes" of anger to be broadcast for all to hear? Probably not. I should have first prayed about the situation while it was happening. Then I should have guarded my words on how much I tell each person, if anyone. Not everyone is the same. My sister can pretty much hear it all and can take it well. She knows my life enough she will understand. 

I want to challenge myself (and if you carry this horrible problem) to guard my words. I should have covered my friends offence. I have a hard time not trying to get justice when I am wronged. After all, she apologized. Twice- even called back to tell me she was sorry. What did Jesus do when he was accused of things that were untrue? He didn't defend Himself. Aren't we supposed to be like Him? Wasn't I supposed to heed to my husband's words? He was wise in his warnings and I allowed my hurt to disregard his warning. He wants to protect me in all things, I failed him in this instance. 

I can't control what people think about me and it shouldn't effect me as much as it does. I pray God can work in my heart about this struggle I carry. Maybe someone can relate to this situation and sort out the kinks in their own issues. 

Let's look to Jesus and strive to be more like Him- humble, loving, forgiving and all things good. 

**I have to say I love my husband's response when I told him...we both laughed a little. I could tell he was frustrated, but I appreciated the patience he showed with me. So thankful he leads our family :) He allows me to make mistakes without me feeling like a lame-o. Thanks, honey.


  1. So sorry. Those friends that havent matured enough to know the difference between condemnation and admonishment are ones I have learned to distance myself from. Sorry that happened. Unless I feel called to disciple them I usually step back one or two paces.
    Hope the wound has healed.

  2. Thanks, Rach! Still learning about relationships myself. I know I could use some "upgrades" :)